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| | One Long Entry (WCC and more)
Oh...Hi, Xanga. Hi again.
Oh...friends, too.
Can't believe that the last time I blogged was 2007! I had wanted to blog on 1/1; didn't happen.
The 12th of March?! Can you believe that? A quarter of the year is GONE! I warn you. This one is long. I find that it's easier to process as I write. Bear with me...
I'll start from last month.
Did you go to WCC? I did. God must have known that I love surprises. The funny thing is that I always try to figure out what God's going to do now. But now...I'm realizing that it's better to let him do his work (and i do mine) and that turns out good all the time. I put God in a box...too much. I expect him to be a certain way and I guess what He's going to do, and that disappoints me a lot. "Think outside of the box." Isn't that supposed to be the programmer's mentality? I fail all the time; God is gracious to me. WCC...yes. Stay on course.
(my roommate baked cookies couple nights ago and they were very good. she also brought me brownies from her small group. i'm having a great night!)
WCC was very good. It's a mission conference, right? and mission-minded people gather together and they talk about God and get (spiritual) high, and think about what God will do. That was what I think about mission conferences in a crude way. Not that they are. Most of them are very good. (People are inspired and they do "go" away from their home countries for the sake of Christ.) I have been to a lot of conferences. Most of the time, I think about what God thinks. I think about how God changes (and can change) my life. God loves me. Nothing is wrong, but even mission itself became this self-center thing. "What about me?" I struggle with selfishness/pride. For the most part, last year was one year that broke a lot of that (pride). Nothing I hung on to stayed. I mentioned, even from my last post, health was crap (it still is in some sense.) I pride myself for my feelings in worship many times; that, too, God broke. Somehow, through being sick, God taught me to trust not (only) how I feel, we need to decide to worship God. Long story short, through 2007, this year, I'm coming to a point where I begin to see that is not me. Not about me. This year's WCC was the 1st conference that I was able to attend w/o thinking how God will work things out. He does. He works things out for us. More important is that we know to trust him.
There was one lesson God was teaching me last year. Learning to let go. Let go about how I see God (thinking outside of the box! :)) Let go; think not that I know God's plan that I should go (overseas). That was one big lesson for me. Letting go. Going into the conference, I wasn't thinking that I was going to "go" (on a mission trip now). In fact, I wasn't even sure if I was ever gonna go. I needed to be in Seattle. This is where I am now. It was refreshing just to be with WCC folks to listen to God and hopefully to obey him.
I think there's some magic formula where if I just do the right things, I can see God in a certain way. Well, that wasn't the case. I figured out that magic formulas did not exist. But God works in mysterious ways. You always wait till the last day (of a conference) to make decisions, right? I mean, don't they always to alter calls and commitment time at the end? True. It was a little different, this year. So, during the 1st night, I listened to what Jackie Pullinger (one of the conference speakers) had to say. I thought "Wow, what the heck? How come I always think about myself. How come I'm selfish all the time? Most prayers I pray are for me. I pray for myself. What about people other than me? God, help me be an answered prayer to someone." We pray. We pray about ourselves a lot. That's ok. Let's also be concern about praying for someone. Being an answer to someone who calls out to God.
It didn't take long, the speaker (George Verwer) talked about counting the cost the next day. He's an incredible guy. 60+, still serving God, gave his life to Christ, everything to God. Money, home, security, job, wife, kids. He's nothing much. He has God. That's all he needs. Anyhow, he told us stories. Stories about his life. His conversion to Christ. How he gave his wedding cake away for gas for his car because he didn't want to spend money for his honeymoon. (Obviously, his wife and he didn't take a flight on his honeymoon. and the reason he didn't want to spend money was that he gives all his money to doing God's work...evangelizing.) This guy was hardcore. He spoke about the counting the cost. After this session I thought again. It was about one year ago I applied to become a Wycliffe Bible Translator. I wanted to go (on missions) so bad, and I was so afraid that I would never go. I didn't get in. The Wycliffe personnel who processed my application told me I wasn't ready to go. (I was not.) He told me (I paraphrase), "Go back and wait for God's call." I was disappointed. I mean, didn't God call me. It was all so clear to me. I know it wasn't me who put this desire in me to go. But Wycliffe guy said "no". God didn't say "yes." What was going on?! About a week later, I received an e-mail from my Sunday school teacher when I was in junior high. In the e-mail, he said (I paraphrase again), "Marcia, you're a passionate young lady. If you had joined Wycliffe, I probably would have supported you, but I'm not sure if you had counted the cost." And he listed all these things about about counting the cost. 2 things I remember most clearly was singleness and family. He told me about this lady he met while he was in Israel. She was a Bible translator, and she was committed to the cause. She was very single, probably not thinking about marrying anyone. She didn't look like she was spending a lot on material things. Looked very simple, I should say. My Sunday school teacher asked me, "are you ready for that?" Also asked about my family. What about taking care of them? Mom is getting old. What about the kids at home? How do I feel about being the eldest daughter at home? At it impacted me, but not until a year later that I realize, yeah, he was right. What about counting the cost?
Well, about a week ago before I went to the conference, one day I was reading a support letter from my friend who's currently away in some remote place on a mission trip. This is not just a short-term 2-week type kinda thing. She goes for life. That is as long as she knows her calling to this place. I was really her letter. Suddenly, I thought, "Huh, she is single, too." She had joy. She did just what God wanted her to do. And I realized. It's ok. Singleness is ok. I had this idea that I'll marry someone, and I'll be married before I go on missions for life. That had always been one thing that I thought was reality, that God would give me someone to go on this journey with. I don't think that since I'm still single, I should just give that up. BUT, I do think that I can go, because Jesus goes with me. My life starts now. Not ten years from now. God is real not because I see him in this way, but He is.
Back to conference and counting cost. After the session, I sat in the room, and I thought, "What still holds me back (from going)?" God used this whole last year (and still is working), to help me count the cost to follow Him. My ideal of being married was not an issue. Family, well, family, I had always known that God takes care of that. God showed me one day a long time ago in a picture that He holds my sister in the palm of his hand. (she's not a christian yet.) I think that for my whole family, too. Money wasn't an issue. Church/ministerial responsibilities weren't there (anymore). What holds me back? I'm finally ready, at least to a point where I say "I'm available." to God. So, I told Jesus, "ok, I'll start applying to Wycliffe. again." Humans are funny. We worry so much. Immediate after I told Jesus I'd apply to Wycliffe, I thought, "What? I'm not sure how things will work out. Do I have to quit my job? How do I pay rent? What about..." I worry so much. God knows that, too. He gave me a verse, just as I starting worrying about earthly things again. "Go, make disciples of all nations. Baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Teaching them to obey everything I've commanded you. And surely, I am will you always, till the end of the age." WHAT THE HECK?! What do I say now? That was clear. Go. Make disciples. The promise is that he is with me. I need not to worry about anything anymore. He provides.
The rest of WCC was good, but I'll save that for (maybe) some other time. :)
This is a lot.
Well, good news! I actually don't have to fill out my application again. I met up with my Wycliffe recruiter just about 1/1.5 weeks ago, and she called some people up. And I am good to go! The thing now is just to figure out which church will send me, and what Jesus wants me to do.
Long story, isn't is.
Ok, something less thought provoking.
So, a few days ago, my family (mom & brother) purchased 2 cats. I love the cats. They are basically the best.
Hi, this is Oliver. He was sick with the flu, but much better now.
Hi, this is Owen. He's the active one.
I can't convince everybody, but I know they are the best.
marcia | | | Posted 3/12/2008 11:20 PM - 128 Views - 2 eProps - 1 Comment
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